{"id":15848,"date":"2010-02-25T16:39:08","date_gmt":"2010-02-25T14:39:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/?p=15848"},"modified":"2022-09-06T17:29:44","modified_gmt":"2022-09-06T14:29:44","slug":"ben-karimin-yetistirdigi-erkegim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/ben-karimin-yetistirdigi-erkegim\/","title":{"rendered":"Ben kar\u0131m\u0131n yeti\u015ftirdi\u011fi erke\u011fim"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft\" title=\"M\u00fcsl\u00fcm G\u00fclhan\" src=\"http:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/10\/muslum-gulhan1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"88\" height=\"115\">A\u015fk ve evlilik konusundaki tutumlar\u0131n belirlenmesi, kad\u0131n\u0131n narin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan kaynakland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izmek gerekir.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Erkek olarak ayaklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 yerden kesilen duygu travmalar\u0131 ve ya\u015fam\u0131n olmazsa olmaz k\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 sevgi histerilerin kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n kad\u0131n vard\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Hele- hele o do\u011furganl\u0131k yap\u0131lar\u0131 yok mu?<br \/>\nGer\u00e7ekten tanr\u0131lar\u0131 bile k\u0131skand\u0131racak kadar kutsal oldu\u011funa inan\u0131yorum.<br \/>\nBo\u015funa de\u011fil dinlerdeki kad\u0131n ele\u015ftirileri\u2026<\/p>\n<p>Erke\u011fin duygusal travmas\u0131 kad\u0131nd\u0131r.<br \/>\nEvlili\u011fin belirleyicisi de kad\u0131nd\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Evlilik kurumuyla ilgili hepimizin farkl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fleri olmas\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmazd\u0131r. Ama hepimiz de ele\u015ftirdi\u011fimiz veya destekledi\u011fimiz bu kurumun par\u00e7as\u0131 olmaktan da geri kalam\u0131yoruz.<\/p>\n<p>Benim a\u00e7\u0131mdan \u00f6zel m\u00fclkiyet kavram\u0131n\u0131n korunmas\u0131 ve sistemin geli\u015fmesi bak\u0131m\u0131ndan insanlar\u0131 kontrol alt\u0131na devlet taraf\u0131ndan al\u0131nman\u0131n en iyi yoludur evlilik.<\/p>\n<p>T\u00fcketim mekanizmas\u0131n\u0131n i\u015fleyi\u015finin kalbini bu kurum olu\u015fturur.<\/p>\n<p>O y\u00fczdendir devlet taraf\u0131ndan imza ile g\u00fcvence alt\u0131na al\u0131nmas\u0131.<br \/>\nAsl\u0131nda bu g\u00fcvence devletin bizzat kendini g\u00fcvenceye almas\u0131ndan ba\u015fka bir \u015fey de\u011fildir.<\/p>\n<p>Ve o y\u00fczdendir evlili\u011fe kutsall\u0131k pay idesi yak\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lmas\u0131.<br \/>\nS\u00fcre\u00e7 hepimizi i\u00e7ine ald\u0131ktan sonra; ister istemez k\u0131\u00e7\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 kurtarma operasyonu ekonomik anlamda evlili\u011fin birinci maddesi olarak g\u00fcndemdeki en birinci yerini al\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130\u015fte bu s\u00fcre\u00e7ler kad\u0131n- erkek farkl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n da nerelerde ortaya \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131n antrenman alan\u0131 olur.<\/p>\n<p>Kad\u0131n ne ister,<br \/>\nErkek ne yapar.<\/p>\n<p>S\u00fcrecin ana ba\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131 budur.<br \/>\nDaha ba\u015fka anlat\u0131m ile:<\/p>\n<p>Kad\u0131n dominant,<br \/>\nErkek direnen resesif olur.<\/p>\n<p>Kad\u0131n\u0131n bu bask\u0131n sosyal geni erke\u011fe g\u00f6re \u00e7ok kuvvetli ve zaman-zaman ac\u0131mas\u0131z durumlar\u0131 da ortaya \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131r ki o zaman i\u015fte kimin Mars\u2019l\u0131, kimin J\u00fcpiter\u2019li oldu\u011funu anlar\u0131z.<\/p>\n<p>\u00d6yle sak\u0131n \u201cyuuh sana\u201d veya \u201ck\u0131\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 kurtarmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma\u201d gibi sabit saplant\u0131lara girmeyin ,objektif ve d\u00fcr\u00fcst olmakta yarar var.<\/p>\n<p>Sevgi konusuna ayr\u0131ca gelece\u011fim, s\u00fcre\u00e7teki yerini beklemesinde yarar var.<br \/>\nBa\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc bizlere ilkokuldan itibaren \u00f6\u011fretilenlerin uygulanmas\u0131ndan ba\u015fka bir \u015fey de\u011fildir.<\/p>\n<p>Asl\u0131nda beklentileri bo\u015fa \u00e7\u0131karmamaktad\u0131r.<br \/>\nHay\u0131rl\u0131 evlat,<br \/>\n\u0130yi koca,<br \/>\n\u0130yi vatanda\u015f olma yolundaki \u201caslan par\u00e7as\u0131\u201d durumumuzdur.<\/p>\n<p>En basit \u00f6rne\u011fi ile \u201cVergi Kutsald\u0131r\u201d hitab\u0131n\u0131n muhatab\u0131 bu kuruma(evlilik) katk\u0131s\u0131 olanlar yani bizler olmaktay\u0131z.<br \/>\nD\u0131\u015f etkenleri bir kenara b\u0131rak\u0131p kendi i\u00e7lerimize d\u00f6nersek; evlilik ilk g\u00fcndem maddesi olan \u2018ekonomi kayg\u0131lar\u0131 giderme\u2019 ile toplan\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Bu s\u00fcre\u00e7teki kad\u0131n ve erkek tavr\u0131 asl\u0131nda evlili\u011fin gelece\u011fi anlam\u0131nda bir yol haritas\u0131n\u0131 da olu\u015fturur.<br \/>\nTabi\u00ee ki evlili\u011fin y\u00fcr\u00fcmesi i\u00e7in yap\u0131lan \u00e7abalar\u0131n buradaki etkisini g\u00f6rmemezlikten gelmek eksik saptamalara neden olur.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDi\u015fi Ku\u015f\u201d kavram\u0131 gibi toplum taraf\u0131ndan kabul g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f bu ahlaki sloganlar, kad\u0131n\u0131n kayg\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 gidermede ve erke\u011fe kar\u015f\u0131 yetki kullan\u0131m\u0131nda iyi bir y\u00f6ntem oldu\u011fu kan\u0131s\u0131nday\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>Yani sadede gelirsem; kad\u0131ndaki bu yetki kazan\u0131m \u00e7abas\u0131 ister istemez erke\u011fi pasifiz e ederek kendi i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyas\u0131na y\u00f6nelmesine neden olmaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Bu etki-tepki meselesinden ba\u015fka bir \u015fey de\u011fil.<br \/>\n\u00d6ncelikle; bu \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli g\u00f6r\u00fcnmemekle beraber uzun vadede sak\u0131ncalar\u0131 kad\u0131n\u0131n- erkek ile olan diyalog sorunu ile ortaya \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmaz olur.<\/p>\n<p>Kad\u0131nlar\u0131n bu karar mekanizmas\u0131ndaki \u00f6nc\u00fc rol\u00fcn\u00fc \u00fcstlenmeleri asl\u0131nda E\u00d6(evlilik \u00f6ncesi)de ba\u015flar.S\u00fcre\u00e7 evlilik ciddiyetini kazan\u0131nca bu \u00e7abalar ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmaz olur ki kad\u0131n\u0131n en kuvvetli oldu\u011fu zamanlar bu zamanlard\u0131r hatta bir \u00e7ok evlilik bu kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7abalar\u0131n\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k g\u00f6rmemesinden dolay\u0131 bitmi\u015ftir.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130\u015fte bu evlili\u011fin evrim s\u00fcrecinin i\u00e7indeki sevgi unsuru haliyle bu didi\u015fmenin i\u00e7inde kabu\u011funa \u00e7ekilerek dipfrize kald\u0131r\u0131l\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Buradaki as\u0131l konu yetki karma\u015fas\u0131d\u0131r.<br \/>\nTabi ki sonu\u00e7 da kad\u0131n bu karma\u015fan\u0131n galibi olur ki tart\u0131\u015fmak bile abes ile i\u015ftigaldir.<br \/>\nKad\u0131n\u0131n belirleyici olmas\u0131 erke\u011fin farl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 ortaya \u00e7\u0131karmada \u00f6nemli yer tutar.<\/p>\n<p>Bu hem olumlu hem olumsuz olarak ortaya \u00e7\u0131kabilir burada \u00f6znel \u015farlar belirleyici olur.<br \/>\nAs\u0131l \u00f6nemlisi kad\u0131n\u0131n belirleyici tavr\u0131n\u0131n erke\u011fi ona kar\u015f\u0131 \u015fekillenmesini sa\u011flamas\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Yani kad\u0131n kendi erke\u011fini kendi yaratmaya ba\u015flar!!!<br \/>\nYaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu erkek ile ba\u015flarda her \u015fey g\u00fcll\u00fck g\u00fclistanl\u0131k olmas\u0131 gayet normalken asl\u0131n da s\u00fcre\u00e7 kendi i\u00e7i hesapla\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 ortaya \u00e7\u0131karmaya do\u011fru gitti\u011fini g\u00f6rmemesine neden olur.<\/p>\n<p>Erke\u011fin kendine ait k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ya\u015fama alan\u0131 kad\u0131n\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda olu\u015fur. Buras\u0131 \u00f6yle lanet yer ki kad\u0131n\u0131n buraya m\u00fcdahalesi s\u00f6z konusu olamamaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130\u015fte buradan itibaren i\u015fin biti\u015fi s\u00fcreci ba\u015flar!!!<\/p>\n<p>Kad\u0131n\u0131n yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ya\u015fam ko\u015fullar\u0131 ve belirleyici unsurlar\u0131n kurumsalla\u015fmas\u0131\u2026<br \/>\nErke\u011fin kendi alan\u0131n\u0131 yaratarak ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 sokabilecek may\u0131nl\u0131 \u00f6zel arazisi\u2026<br \/>\nHepsinin belirleyicisi kad\u0131n olmu\u015ftur.<\/p>\n<p>Belirleyici kad\u0131n olmu\u015ftur fakat kendi yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 erkek ile hesapla\u015fmas\u0131 ortaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda asl\u0131nda kendisi ile y\u00fczle\u015fmesinden ba\u015fka bir \u015fey ortaya \u00e7\u0131kmayacakt\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Bu hem zor hem de ac\u0131 verici bir durumdur kad\u0131n i\u00e7in\u2026<br \/>\nSorumluluk payla\u015f\u0131m\u0131 asl\u0131nda sevgiyi de beraberinde ta\u015f\u0131r ama bunu yok saymak fi\u015fi \u00e7ekmekten ba\u015fka bir \u015fey de\u011fildir.<\/p>\n<p>Bu biti\u015f s\u00fcrecinde ise kad\u0131n\u0131n kendi yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 erke\u011fe kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7aresizli\u011fini \u201cben kuvvetli bir kad\u0131n\u0131m\u201d diyerek kurumu fes eder.<\/p>\n<p>\u0130yi de kime kar\u015f\u0131 kuvvetli, ne i\u00e7in kuvvetli ortada hi\u00e7bir zaman kullanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fczelim sevgi unsuru hala dipfrizde durmaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>As\u0131l kuvvetli olmak onu kullanma cesaretini ortaya koymakt\u0131r.<br \/>\nHem de kendi yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 erkek ile beraber.<\/p>\n<p><strong>M\u00fcsl\u00fcm G\u00fclhan<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a title=\"M\u00fcsl\u00fcm G\u00fclhan\" href=\"http:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/haber\/yazarlar\/muslum-gulhan\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Yazar\u0131n t\u00fcm yaz\u0131lar\u0131na g\u00f6zat \u00bb<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-weight: bold; color: #f00;\">Error, group does not exist! Check your syntax! (ID: 103)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-weight: bold; color: #f00;\">Error, group does not exist! Check your syntax! (ID: 53)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<div><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A\u015fk ve evlilik konusundaki tutumlar\u0131n belirlenmesi, kad\u0131n\u0131n narin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan kaynakland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7izmek gerekir.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9192211,"featured_media":29867,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6774,6155,6194],"tags":[17085,17079,17081,17084,17078,17082,17077,17083,195969,17080],"class_list":["post-15848","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-futbol","category-gundem","category-spor","tag-ask-ve-evlilik","tag-disi-kus-kavrami","tag-duygu-travmalari","tag-erkek-ile-hesaplasma","tag-evlilik-makaleleri","tag-evlilik-oncesi","tag-evlilik-uzerine-yazilar","tag-kadin-erkek-makaleleri","tag-muslum-gulhan","tag-vergi-kutsaldir"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15848","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9192211"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15848"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15848\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/29867"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15848"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15848"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nationalturk.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15848"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}